Boogie Made it "Official"

It's funny how facebook has changed life for us.  You know you've made your pregnancy "official" when you announce on facebook!  I just changed my profile pic to this:

Prayers this Week

As much as I'd like to convince myself not to think about this, I am.  On Tuesday, June 15 at 10w5 days, I began spotting and later discovered I was going to miscarry.  In the wee hours of the morning on Tuesday, June 22 at 11w5d, I began the miscarriage process.

This Tuesday, October 12, I will again be 10w5d.   As the day approaches, I find my heart constricting quite a bit.  I find my anxiety level rising.  I just need added prayers my way this week.  Especially Tuesday.

Please pray I will be too busy that day to allow thoughts of doubt from the evil one to invade my mind.  Please pray for the continued health of this tiny baby (who this week is the size of a kumquat.)  Pray for Mike as he has to deal with the emotions I'm going through.  I know Tuesday-Tuesday will be a rough week for me, but I know my God is bigger.  I believe HE's my healer.

If you were wondering...

Why we haven't made an update regarding our fertility journey... there's actually a good reason.  

I went on clomid in late July/early August, my first full cycle after the miscarriage.  I really didn't have any side effects from the drug, for which I was SOOO grateful.  We got a late start on the month since my doctor was out of town, so I started taking it on CD5 instead of CD3.  Nevertheless, I started getting nervous when CD14, CD15, CD16 rolled by with no ovulation.  CD 17 POSITIVE for Ovulation.  So when people talk about 28 day cycles and "most" women ovulating on CD 14... it's SOOO not true.  Most women I know through baby making boards DON'T ovulate on CD 14.  Anyhow, I digress.  On CD 21 I had to go in for a progesterone check.  I was afraid it was too soon, but I showed "very good" levels of progesterone.  (The hormone that shows you ovulated.)  While that's great, all it does is show the drug worked... not that I'd have any greater chance of getting pregnant.

If you know anything about my TTC journey, you'll know I'm a POAS-aholic.  (POAS= pee on a stick).  Here's a picture of my just SOME of my pregnancy tests that confirmed I was pregnant with the baby I miscarried for proof of my addiction.

A few of the 15 pregnancy tests I took in May of 2010 to confirm a pregnancy (later miscarried)

Hey, the first step is admitting you have a problem, right.  Well, knowing I'm a POAS-aholic, I really really wanted to wait until at least 14DPO to test, even though I know you CAN find out as early as 10DPO.   Anyhow, the suspense was KILLING me, but 10DPO ticked by, 11DPO ticked by, 12 DPO... I was getting ANTSY!  I bought three dollar store tests and took one in the evening of my 12DPO.  If you know anything about pregnancy tests, you know this is a very dumb thing to do because there is so little HcG hormone in your urine by the evening, especially that early... you'll never get a line even if you ARE pregnant.  Even knowing this, I tried to convince myself there MIGHT be a line... whatever.

The next morning at 13DPO, I decided to test again.  Was it a line?  If it was it was REALLY light... but they say a line is a line!  Hummm... was I pregnant?  I decided to buy a digital test to take at 14DPO.  These digital ones are NOT early response, so I figured if at 14DPO it said "pregnant"... then I could believe it.  Okay, I already admitted I have a problem, right?  Do you think I could WAIT until the morning?  Nooooooo... no way.  So, against better judgement, I ripped open the package and again tested in the EVENING.  DOH!  (There goes $10!!).... or not... here is what the test said!!

Yup!!  That's right.  Pregnant on our first cycle of clomid.  Pretty amazing stuff our God does, huh?  Our little hot tamale is due on Cinco de Mayo (which means it'll probably arrive about a week AFTER that!!)  

So, right now, we're sitting at 9w1d weeks along.  We miscarried the last pregnancy at 11w5d... but we never saw a heartbeat.  We HAVE seen a heartbeat on this little gummy bear.  I went in at 7w5d for an emergency appointment (long story- a scare I'll blog about later) and as soon as she started the sono, I immediately saw a heartbeat and tears just ran down my face.

I must admit... from the day we found out we were pregnant this time, my heart has felt at ease.  This doesn't come without a lot of prayer not only on my part, but on the part of those around me.  God has really put a sense of peace around this pregnancy.  I know and BELIEVE that this child is a child of God.  If He wants to take this child to eternity now... he can.  This child is His to take home whenever He chooses, whethere it be before it's born, when s/he is a toddler, when s/he is a teenager or, as I pray... when s/he is old and gray and has lived a full life to glorify our Lord.  Regardless, we have chosen to dedicate this child to the Lord NOW.  

Naturally, it's not easy.  The closer I get to ten weeks, the more I think about that day in Seguin when I discovered I was to miscarry.  Mike and I really debated when to tell people this time.  We truly feel that those of you who come to read our blog DESERVE to know.  Why? Because you've been praying for us.  Praying for us to concieve a child... now we need you to pray that this child will grow into a happy and healthy baby.  We need to THANK you for your prayers.  We need to ASK you for your continued prayers.

We will not be sharing this news in other public forums (either on the internet or in person) for the time being, so we ask for your respect in not mentioning this publicly just yet.  Thank you for sharing in our joy and excitement!  We truly do give all the praise and honor to our Savior!

A Quote to Ponder

One of my secondary infertility friends has this quote on her signature line... and I just love it.

When the world says "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try one more time."

Moving Forward

So, keeping with the very timely post here on the blog this week... today at church, we sang a song we've sung many times.  For some reason, though.  Today it had new meaning for me.  You can hear the song,  Moving Forward at the link here...  the lyrics are fairly simple, but so meaningful in my life at this moment.  I pulled just a few of my favorites here, but, please listen to the song in full.... 

You're the HEALER who makes ALL things new!

I'm moving ahead.  I'm here to declare to you- my past is over.
In YOU, all things are made new!....

I'm moving, moving FORWARD.

You have given me a second chance....

You make all things new... You make ALL things new...

And I will Follow You FORWARD.

For me personally, the part about God healing us and then the part of us FOLLOWING Him forward are very convicting.  How can we allow God to heal our past if we don't follow Him forward?  Our God is Jehova-Rophe, our healer.  I will allow him to heal me and follow Him in His timing for my life.

Get Over It

These are the favorite words of my Dad.  Over the years this saying has evolved from "Tough titty said the kitty when the milk ran dry."  to "Suck it up!" to now the more felicitous and simple saying "Get Over It." 

Either way- Dad's right.  God tells us to mourn for a time... and then move on.  GET OVER IT.

I studied late last week about the Israelites people mourning the loss of their leader for 30 days before God told them... "Okay, Dudes.  Enough is enough.  Get over it."  (Okay, maybe he was a bit more eloquent, but you get the point.)

How often in life do we allow a circumstance to define us?  How often do we cling to the past, to an event, a hurt, a failed relationship, a habit, a hangup?  We're so busy mourning the past that we're not allowing to God to bless us in the present?  Do I think God wants us to forget the trials and tribulations he's allowed in our lives for the purpose of growth?  Absolutely not.  He does want us to remember, reflect and help others through our circumstances... but after a short time of mourning, he wants us to move on.

What are you holding onto?  What do you need to GET OVER?  I need to get over my fears that my past will dictate my future.  No, God is in charge of that.  This week, I pray that you will discover whatever it is you haven't gotten over... and just... in the words of my Daddy...

GET OVER IT!

Wild Animals Flock to H2O in the Desert

Last week, I posted about gifts of water in the desert.  I should have KNOWN that wild animals race to water!  My wild animals came in the form of 54 eleven year olds!  WOW, WOW, WOW!  We have quite the bunch this year... and yes, many of them are wild animals. 

If you've ever been to a circus, you know wild animals CAN be tamed.... but you must never underestimate that even a tame animal was once wild.  (This is a word of warning to subs!) 

The first day of school was... not atrocious... but close.  Last year I had a class of 19 and a class of 22.  This year, I have two classes of 27!  The addition of five to eight warm bodies in a classroom is amazingly, CRAZY.  I didn't have enough desks, I didn't have enough chairs... and I had a class with five students who won't close their mouths, two who think they can stand up the entire time, one who literally followed me around the classroom asking questions the entire class... aaaahhhh!!!  

I was so excited to have found a desert oasis only to find it was INFESTED!!!  Even so, I decided to set up camp by the water, after all- it was still better than the thirst I'd experienced the past four years... this first week-  we had our ups and downs, but by Friday... my wild animals had already started working their ways into my heart.  I must remember to be patient with my BABY animals and teach them HOW to hunt, when to rest, how to forage, how to avoid being eaten, where to go for shade, places to avoid... 

Low and behold, I must teach them.  I WILL teach them... and I will love them... wild or tame!